More Cookies

Last week I went to go see my friends Paul and Storm and Jonathan Coulton do a show at the Guthrie.  It was, of course, awesome.

I brought them these cookies to munch on in the green room.  I saved out two from the batch I made for my children. (I gave half to the boys and half to my friends Bill and Sharon in exchange for some honey.)  They keep asking if we have any more.  We don't, but it doesn't seem like we're eating the bananas on the counter as quickly as we might, and so a Corbett-only batch might be in our near future.

I used chunky peanut butter - and might add peanut butter chips next time for even more PB taste.  The banana taste is perfect and the texture is between muffin and cookie.  It's kind of like baking muffin tops.  YUM!

Haystacks

About to settle in to watch Game of Thrones (are you watching? So
good. And Comcast is offering free HBO for three months, so there's
really no reason not to), and needed s little snack/dessert to go with
my cocktail*.

1cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 6oz bag Chow Mein Noodles

Melt chocolate. Combine all ingredients. Scoop out in tablespoon piles
on wax paper. Refrigerate (or stick in freezer like me for faster
gratification) to harden up.

*cocktail blog to come next...

Spicy Chocolate

Oh. My. Goodness. Y'all.
This is ab amazing bar I picked up at William Sonoma today.
72% dark chocolate. Cadies almonds (lots of them). Aleppo pepper (LOTS
of it!!). Maldonado sea salt.

So spicy.

So good.

Today's Lunch

Steaming some big, fat, squeaky artichokes to be done for lunch by the
time my half-day Kindergartener gets home. We usually eat them with
melted butter and a little lemon juice. I've heard of balsamic dipping
sauces and mayo-based sauces and am intrigued (even though butter will
always be my BFF). How do you eat your artichokes? What should we try
today?

Graham Crackers and Warm Milk

Ever dipped Graham Crackers in warm milk? Super good, right? Take it
a step farther as my Grandmother used to do for my Mom, and now she
has done for my kids and me. Break up the crackers in a bowl and pour
the warm milk over them. They get all mushy and hot-cerealy and amazing.
I recommend one honey and one cinnamon cracker and I bet it would be
even better with warm half and half or (gasp!) cream. I also recommend
this for any time of day or night. This is seriously happy food.
Thanks, Nana. Thanks, Mom.

You are beautiful.

 I am once again struggling with body image.  I almost bore myself with how much this is coming up with me lately.  I've been using an app on my phone to count calories, I've been going to the gym more often, I've been weighing myself.  Some of these things are more effective than others.  Some of them bring me structure, knowledge, even joy.  But what I keep coming back to is: I like to eat, and this is the body that is the result of how much I like to eat.  Now - what I've discovered recently is that I also like to Zumba.  Have you Zumbaed? It's awesome.  Anyway - Once again vowing to end my love/hate relationship with my weight, I am once again discovering that what I want to be is FIT, not skinny.  I might just be a size 12 or 14 or 16.  When I did Weight Watchers for most of a year, I bought some clothes that were a size 10.  My Gap jeans (god love 'em), had an 8 on the label.  And I laughed every time I put them on, because there is no way that I am a size 8.  Even then, when I weighed 30  pounds less than I do today, I knew that that number was a load of hooey.  I'm 5 foot 10, for Pete's sake.

Now, I was a really skinny kid:

I think this is my 10th or 11th birthday.

But what I'm learning is that I wasn't interested in eating when I was a kid.  (I know, Whaaaaat?)  Now I am.  Boy howdy, am I.  And I know that in my adulthood a lot of that eating was emotional, a lot of that eating was self-medication for depression and/or anxiety.  But a lot of that eating was because I discovered I love food.  I love how creative and interesting and Delicious food is.  I love cooking it. I love eating it. I love sharing it.  My body is different now.  I've grown two human beings inside this body.  I've discovered the wonders of what our Earth can provide for us with plants and animals, and what tasty things we humans can do with them.  I've experienced spreading marrow on crusty bread, drizzling olive oil on vanilla ice cream and what cauliflower tastes like when roasted under a leg of lamb.

I love how I feel when I'm dripping with sweat after jumping and dancing around for an hour at my Zumba class (seriously, find one near you).  I love how much water I drink afterward (water and I have a complicated relationship).  And I'm glad that I can already feel my body becoming stronger and easier to live in.  But I don't think it's going to get too much smaller.  I think the range of 12 or 14 or (right now) 16 is going to be where I buy my clothes.  And that's ok.

I will not continue to struggle with this.  I am done feeling like a failure because I'm not a size 10.  I have some really great dresses that are just not going to fit me again.  And that's ok.  Because there are other dresses to be found.  I will shop for a new not-black swimsuit this year and give up the black, big-skirted suit of shame.

There's a lot more to say about this.  Where did I get the idea that I have to be skinny?  Why do songs that talk about being "amazing just the way you are" and telling me "don't you ever ever feel like you're less than effing perfect" make me feel angry and sad?  Maybe it's because I'm not perfect.  I'm Virginia.  I'm human.  I have flaws - both inside and out.  But being the size I am isn't one of them.

Thanks to my friend Pharon for pointing me to this song.  It inspired this post. And it made me feel great.

Also - look for a post that's actually about food later today!

Nostalgia

There are two new candy shops in the Twin Cities. Both look super cute
and tout carrying all the candy we parents remember from our
childhoods. I have yet to be to either, fearing both putting my whole
family into a diabetic stupor and blowing all our savings on memories
of Buddy's Store where I sat at the counter and filled my face with
candy and soda while at our beach cottage on the Long Island Sound. I
remember squirreling away money under a rock near the store as a
savings account for next time and hiding candy in the rafters above my
bed for secret late-night sugar rushes while I listened to the
lighthouse horn and watched the light sweep across my room.
Apparently, the 30somethings who are now in charge not only want to
bring back every toy we played with (updated Strawberry Shortcake, My
Little Pony and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, anyone?), they also want
to give their children the same sugar rushes they had as kids. It's so
pervasive, even though I'm avoiding the super-cute neuveou candy shops
as long as I can (make no mistake that there will be a trip and a blog
about it this Summer. I'm not a robot.), I can still find one of my
favorites at Walgreens. Zotz. In three flavors!

Other favorites: Lik-m-Aid, Smarties, Pop Rocks. What are yours?

Sent from my iPhone - please forgive typos.